About two years ago, around this time of the year I was working a day shift and got a call from my assignment editor. "I need you to head over to "Times Square." When ever I get sent to TS all I can think of is the parking nightmare that awaits me. "What's going on?" I asked. "The Oscar statues are on display". he informs me. "The Oscar Statues?" I ask. "Yeah the ones they hand to all the winners, the actual statues." he tells me. "Awesome!" I shout. "Yeah I knew you would like that" he replies.
So I rush on over, park in a commercial zone and hoof it to the location. I walk in and across the room, near the window are the statutes. I was in awe. My awe was interrupted by a PR team. The same questions, where was I from, what was my name. I never understood why they try and get my information. I don't decide what airs or what future events we cover, why would you want to contact me? If you see me at your events the choice to cover it has already be made. After the inquisition is over I tell them I just want a few shots of the statues.
I walk over to the case and gazed in at a little army of golden boys. Oscars are much bigger in person. Which is kinda funny because movie stars are often smaller in person, a bit of a paradox. I pulled out all the stops and completely overshot the crap out of the little golden calves.
I left shortly before God made up his mind about whether or not to smite me. As I returned to my car I had one of those moments where you look at your life and wonder why it has deviated so far from your original plans.
Its not that things are so bad for me. I do ok. I live pretty well and most of the time I like my job, but it's no the dream. I had just walked out of a room holding 40 something dreams. Lifelong, hard fought, dreams were in that buildings and for 1/4th of the people in attendance that dream was going to come true.
Where was I? Taking pictures of other peoples dreams. That is a hard reality to face.
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i know exactly (yes it was worth it to typing the extra code for the italics), what you mean. i have moments like that all the time. i work in visual fx on features and often the directors will be in to view our shots, so im literally staring at and often chatting with those who are specifically living my dream.
but i think about this all the time - those grown men who walk amongst the football players on the sidelines during the game, or rush out onto the field during a break, just to squeeze water or gatorade into the player's mouths? do you imagine that's what they dreamed of doing? are they in a love/hate relationship with these men who they wish they could be? who are living out their dream right in front of them?
do they lie at home in bed and wonder - where did i go wrong? is every moment on the field bittersweet? to be so close, even an important part, of what you dreamt about, and yet not there?
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